Why Success Can Come With a Negative Reaction From Your Peers

Welcome to episode 125 of Dawn of a New Era. And in today's episode, we're going to talk about why success can come with a negative reaction from your peers. And like many entrepreneurs, you may have faced adversity from people that you kind of least expected it from, especially when you start to really carve out some traction in your business and you start getting amazing accolades and achievements under your belt. And often with this success, we want to be proud and feel like we can really shine brightly and take that success and be able to talk to friends, family, peers about what we're doing, the exciting projects that we are working on, and just getting some support.

But sometimes this doesn't happen, and I want to share a little bit about why this is, but also my story of how I faced adversity. There are many reasons why people might react negatively to someone's success, and psychologists suggest that feelings like envy, jealousy, and resentment may be something of the underlying factors behind these reactions. So things like envy, this occurs when someone desires something they lack and someone else possesses. So an example of this would be when someone achieves great success, it can spark feelings of envy in others who have not achieved similar success in their own lives.

Or even business. And it could be that this person has been pushing and trying so hard, but hasn't gained the same traction, hasn't had the same outcome, and they feel that for the effort they're putting in, they should be gaining the same results that they desire and that they feel that they deserve. Now, jealousy can occur when someone feels threatened by success of others, particularly if it reduces their own status or power or even their own resources. Now, this can happen across all sorts of business dynamics and relationships in your own personal life, because we often see relationships destabilized when someone starts to change their circumstances.

And honestly, it often comes down to money. When perhaps I've seen clients who they have moved into the space where they become the bigger earning partner, and, you know, people feel pushed out, and some people don't embrace change well. Now, these destabilizations can definitely be resolved, and sometimes it's just a period of time while people get used to this new dynamic. But often communication is the key, and I would urge you to, even in these times when you feel really hurt, when someone hasn't maybe celebrated or they've said something negatively, to really think about why they're doing it and to open some communication around it, because it can't all just be down to we feel there's fault on their part.

We have to understand that we're an evolving dynamic in their lives, and maybe they just don't understand what it is that we're doing. And this is often what I am faced with. I'm not even sure my partner knows what I do for a living, and even if I asked him to describe it, because I have four businesses, it's become such a kind of a mishmash. Smash from, like, you know, sometimes you'll say she's a speaker, she's an author, she's a businesswoman, she's an entrepreneur, she hosts retreats, she has a training academy and an agency.

And I get it. I understand why it's difficult because I started at 21. I started my agency and then my academy, and then I wrote some books and started some podcasts and won Best Female Speaker. So there's lots of things that person to remember, so it's not really fault.

I always kind of come back to the fact that my trademark name is The Business Growth Coach. That's really kind of like where I stand in my power, and I talk about marketing, motivation, and mindset. Now that helps gain a bit of clarity. And again, I'm happy to flux and change in different environments.

You know, if I'm showing up more in my digital capacity about my agency and my academy, then I will definitely change how I talk about myself and what I do to fit that industry niche. And we can do this as entrepreneurs. And if you have multiple businesses and brands, you'll know it's sometimes tough to get that clarity. But let's look at resentment, because resentment occurs when a person perceives someone else's success as undeserved or obtained through unfair means.

And I think this is interesting because resentment can be driven by feelings of injustice or bitterness and anger. And this is the real issue. I feel like this is the most hurtful, when people look at you and think, Oh my goodness, I can't believe she's done that. Oh, she doesn't even deserve it.

Look at her. Who does she think she is? Now, I've had that a lot, but people forget I started at 21. I am 45 now.

It was not an overnight success. I have had my fair share of challenges, right? It was not plain sailing at 21. I didn't just rock up, find 5 million subscribers, make a million on day one.

It just didn't happen. There was a very turbulent, rocky road, and there was lots of pitfalls and challenges. And for sure, there were some great successes. But when I started to see that success, it was almost like people were happy when I was having a bit of a tough time, like I was just starting out.

People used to talk about my little business and really kind of degrade me. It used to trigger me something rotten because people would say, Oh, you're not going, you know, to university and doing this and whatever. I mean, I ended up with more qualifications than most people I know. And obviously I teach qualifications in my academy where my students graduate in Westminster.

I just chose to do things in a different order, right? And I'm not saying everyone has to have degrees and qualifications either, because people kept trying to push me down a road, and I was like, No, I'm going to see how all this pans and go with the flow. Now, I was lucky in the fact that I had a very supportive family, but I don't see that it was luck the way that I carved things out because I chose my destiny, and I was very conscious along the way of what I wanted to do. I've always been passionate about business, psychology, marketing, so I studied all of those things when I got the opportunity or when I created that opportunity.

I did my Chartered Institute of Marketing exams in one of my first roles. My business paid for that, and it was a marketing role. I just chose to align working and learning together, but people couldn't get it. And when I started to succeed, and a lot of my friends had gone off to university, you know, I'm 21, I'm in my own offices, I'm going to events, I'm hosting my own, and things start to get moving, and I start to make some money.

And then, oh mighty, that was the problem, because people started to say, Oh, she didn't even do this. She got like this, or people try to find reasons like, Oh, she came from a family of whatever, and it was just, like, ridiculous because people were trying to find a reason to take those successes away. They hadn't considered all of the things I'd gone through to get there. They hadn't considered that I still had to pay a mortgage and bills and all of those things.

So we have to understand why we trigger this and how to manage it, because it's important to acknowledge that negative reactions to success are not always the result of psychological factors. Sometimes individuals may feel threatened or uncomfortable about changes that come with someone else's success, and this is a big part of it too, because people like to understand. They like clarity around who you are. They want to pigeonhole you, put you in a box and go, That's that person who does that.

Now, when you start to ebb and flow and change and evolve and cause a bit of a ripple effect, then this definitely becomes a bit more turbulent. You see it on the online space. Soon as you put your head above the parapet, then you are kind of almost like fair game for people who want to troll you or say things. Things.

And it does hurt, but you have to almost build some resilience, and understanding why is half the battle, because then you can quantify it in your brain to kind of go, okay, well, maybe if I do this, I could manage that. And it's helpful to remember that it's possible to channel such negativity into positive energy, and I do this a lot. Celebrating your own success with humility can really help make others feel more comfortable around you, and we can all be very humble about what we've done and achieved. And it is possible to try and use your success to inspire and lift up others while acknowledging their contribution to your success, because I often write on social media about what I've done and my journey, because it's important that people don't just see that at 45, four businesses, they see the end result.

They don't actually understand the path that I took to get there. One of the things I pride myself in is being able to help clients get there quicker and to avoid a lot of the pitfalls and challenges that I had, because I've wasted a lot of time, a lot of effort, and oh my goodness, a hell of a lot of money on doing things.

And testing, but I wouldn't have been able to move forward without those things happening because I needed things to fail to understand the learning to how to improve. And as tough as that is at the time, I really wouldn't have been able to move forward because if I hadn't put myself out of my comfort zone and pushed myself out of that comfort zone on a regular basis, I wouldn't have grown. If I'd sat pretty and played small, I would have just probably coasted along. I definitely wouldn't have seen the same opportunities, definitely would not have seen the scaling that I have in my businesses.

So for me, I started my first business at 21, boldly starting my marketing agency, but I honestly had not realized how tough it would be or how mean people would be. So I went to networking events where I was absolutely shunned for my age. I felt like my dress code just was not acceptable. I was never a conventional dresser, even in corporate.

And also I felt that because I was a woman at that age, working in marketing, and my background was programming, I just felt that people were not accepting me. They weren't embracing me. I didn't feel welcome. And one of the networking events I went to when I first started my business, this man refused to shake my hand, and it really, really shocked me.

I mean, I couldn't believe it. So it wasn't the first or last situation. I experienced many situations like this, as well as bullying from a supposed best practice body. And this was just purely because I didn't fit their norm.

So what happens is, is that we start to then feel like we have to shift and then that we have to then conform. But the whole reason that I was doing what I was doing and starting my business is that I wasn't conforming, and I wanted to zig when people were zagging, and I wanted to do things in my own way, not necessarily the way that society put it out there. But it seriously started to knock my confidence. But with that, it made me more adamant that I was going to do business my own way and forget these ignorant attitudes that I'd faced.

And it wasn't just in business; it was at school, it was at college, it was, you know, starting up my business first of all. And people were kind of set on changing me and trying to push me down and keep me quiet. And I felt that for a long time, I couldn't really express my true voice because I was worried about what people would say or do. And then I started to realize that I should be able to stand on my own soapbox and stand in my power and have my own opinion and be 21 and be in business and do what I wanted to do in the way I wanted to do and not conform to society's so-called norms.

I felt like I had to push so much harder to get the respect, so I started my own events. One of the things I wanted to do was do everything in a way that felt congruent, that felt authentic and felt honest. And I started to host these fabulous networking events in glamorous car showrooms. We had our own cocktail bar and, of course, our own branded cocktail.

We even had matching lasers and lights in the showroom. So within there, we had great additions to the event. We had things like a driving simulator, chocolate fountains, we had canapés, we had luxury lifestyle products that had been donated for raffles, and we even did a diamond auction. And in fact, one of the events I did at the Hurlingham Club for guests was that they could find and keep a diamond that we'd hidden in the grounds, which was crazy.

And we'd actually hidden it in an Aston Martin. We had Aston Martins in the grounds showcasing as a sponsor, and we'd hidden it in this car. So for me, when I look back and I think about the way that I approached things, I did want to do things differently. I wanted to do them in a way that was very much stand out, and I got lots of criticism because My sponsors were people like Coutts and HSBC, as well as lots of other high-profile brands.

And we were hosting in these amazing venues and private members clubs in Manchester, Cheshire, Newcastle, Birmingham and London. And it was crazy because I was really proud of what I was doing, and I was gaining a lot of traction in the industry. But there were so many people who had something adverse to say about it. The more press I got, the more photos of these events that went out, the harder things got within my peer groups, but also online.

I had hundreds of guests attending, and I grew a strong membership and ultimately a 50K strong database. So this activity, as I say, really raised my profile, but with it, it definitely brought a lot more of the haters out who were lurking, and people really wanted to comment on what I was doing. I don't know why people felt so triggered. Maybe because it just wasn't the normal kind of generic networking event with, like, your teas and your coffees and things like that.

We did things differently. One of the things that happened is that this fed into my next business, which was my academy, Business Consort Digital and Social Media Academy, established back in, like, 2003. And we've now trained 30,000 students, as well as being a CIM accredited study centre. Now, again, this was a huge issue because we'd started training and then offering qualifications and then becoming accredited like a private university.

Oh, well, everyone wanted to jump into that to say that, you know, I was too young and I didn't look like your normal college lecturer or I didn't teach in that way. And these were actually the unique selling points that attracted so many clients to us. So the whole juxtaposed position where we think about what is bad for us but what is good, these things that people were hating were... Actually, the things that were marketing and selling and pulling in amazing clients.

So we almost had to put our blinkers on and kind of, you know, get past the adversity and just keep standing proud because we knew we were still standing to our mission and vision. We wanted to bring affordable, accessible education and bridge the digital skills gap globally, and we were. You know, we were carving out a space. And as the numbers grew, and because we had a digital background and we had everyone in-house, we were growing faster than ever before and faster than anyone else in the market.

So we started to win numerous awards, but everything that we did has evolved from stemming from one thing, which is motivation, and it's all been driven by organic growth. So I've done a lot at 45, and I've got so much more to do. But my advice to anyone who is experiencing any of this negative or degrading behavior from those around you, you have to be brave and remember it's not you. You are simply triggering something in them that makes them feel unnerved.

And sometimes it's worth exploring if these people are good friends and obviously your family. Sometimes we just have to walk on by and continue to stand in our power. Now, in truth, at every single stage of my journey, literally every single year, I've been faced with people judging, criticizing, and even putting obstacles in my path. But every time it makes me even more determined, even stronger, and even more adamant that they won't win.

But we can't divert from the fact that yes, sometimes it hurts. There are just some people who want to try and knock you down, and, you know, you may have done a lot of work on mindset. I definitely have, and I now feel I care less about what people think. I dress how I want.

I'll show up and shine bright like a diamond, and I won't let anyone dim my light again, because for so long I let— Let that happen. In situations, I'd step back and I wouldn't say things, and I felt like I couldn't share things that I was working on with peers and friends and family, you know, in case they thought I was being arrogant. But you have to be able to share that with your peer group and especially your friends and family because this is your life and, you know, you listen to what they're doing and they should be respectful. And people who are happy will absolutely 100% celebrate you.

It's looking deeper into why someone might be negative is that you might have triggered something that, in fact, that your success makes them feel that they haven't, you know, achieved what they should have done. But that is not on you, and you have to think that you should be able to go out into the world, embrace it how you want to do it, live your life and run your business how you want. As long as you stay authentic to your values and your mission and vision, then there is no reason to shy away from it. So I hope this was helpful, and remember to come and join me on Instagram at Dawn McGruer.

I'm on Facebook. I'm also on LinkedIn. And please come and just let me know if anything has struck you from listening to these episodes, because I get so many messages, which I absolutely love. It's the thing that feeds me and drives me to doing this podcast, because when I hear that even just one episode has made a difference, it lights me up.

So come share with me. Just come and connect, and let's be there and empower each other in a very, very exciting future. So have an amazing week and take care. And remember, our episodes come out every other week, so I shall speak to you on the next one.

Thank you for listening.

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